I don't think it has really sunken in what is exaclty going to happen. I say I am excited because I know I am. I say I am nervous because I know I am, but I am not entirely sure what emotion I am actually feeling. I am not sure if that makes sense. I have spent the last nine months getting ready for Emily and the last year wanting a baby. Now she will be here in a few days and I am not sure if I am ready. I have watched so many of my friends change into some of the best moms I have seen. I know I have a strong support system to help me out, but right now this is me. I have had them to focus on and see that they can do it. Now it is coming down to me and my ability to be a mom. I have to take all the advice and the answers to my inumerable questions and actually put them to the test.
I am happy to become a mom and start a new life with my family. I am ready to venture down this new path. I am ready to have the family I never had. I am also ready for the feelings to sink in. I am ready to actually experience the emotions I know I should be. Right now I feel like I am watching myself go through these things. I feel like it is too good to be true. This is too surreal to me and I want it to feel more real.
You are going to be such a great mommy, Monica! I can't even imagine the excitement and anxiety you must be feeling. Just know that you have lots of support and love coming your way. Emily is blessed to have you and John as parents :)
ReplyDeleteIt is a hard feeling to explain, huh? It will not truly sink in until they are getting you ready for surgery. They will bring in your hat for your hair, John will be dressed in scrubs, hat, and shoe covers, and you will be ready. In THAT moment, you will be shaking, inside and out. You may be nervous for surgery much less, coming out of it with a baby! In those moments, it won't be your family to calm you down, it may not even be John. It will be the nurses and Dr. Owen that will make you feel at ease. They are so calm and collected and they put you at ease as well. They will wheel you down the hall as John walks behind. They will have him sit in a chair and wait until they come back out and get him. THAT IS WHEN HE STARTS GETTING NERVOUS...according to Mark. They will scoot you over to the operating table and that's it! In the next seconds John will be coming in to sit at your head and right about the time he sits down, Emily will arrive and all you can hear is "Here she is! She's a beautiful little girl! Look at her!" Everyone in the room is commenting and you finally see them walk to the head of the bed with her and show her to you! AT THAT POINT, "that feeling" is real! You look at her and KNOW she is yours. You look at her and with tears in your eyes, you are content and complete. Your life has just begun. You see the smile on John's face and you know that there is nothing in this world that could wipe that smile away. Immediately, this little baby has filled your heart, your life, your existence with complete and utter joy! Once in your room, you will hold her and just stare. There is nothing to say, there is nothing to do...nothing matters in the moment but you staring at Emily! She will be perfect and you will be an amazing mom! You wonder now if you'll know what to do when she crys, when she throws up, when she's constipated (wink), when she won't sleep, when she looks up at you and focuses on your face for the first time. KNOW that even if you don't know the exact thing to fix the problem, you are there with her and she feels your presence...and that's worth everything for her. It's worth it all when they are babies and it's worth it all when they are 5 falling off bikes and when they are 17 getting their heart broken...and someday, when they are 25 having her own little baby! What she needs is to know you're there...to love her...to know that you love her daddy as much as she does. Things like crying, sleeplessness, constipation, etc. all pass...don't let your presence! So, with that said, you are ready! You are prepared and this week will seem like forever but yet Saturday will arrive so fast. The euphoric feeling of the week will be leading up to the most amazing, unexplainable, feeling you could ever imagine. Embrace it!
ReplyDeleteKara
Love you girl! I'm here, night or day! I need you and you need me!
Well, I can't really top what Kara said, but I am SO excited for you and I know exactly how you are feeling. You're going to be a great mom. One of the reasons I love being in Lubbock and a part of our church and class is all the support around us all the time. Just know that we all love and support you and will do anything for you! Can't wait for Saturday! John, maybe you should do a "text test" just to make sure it works when you text me. :) Just kidding...kind of. So excited for you guys.
ReplyDeleteP.S. There is no better feeling in the world than watching your husband hold his baby for the first time. And I know John will be especially good at this since he's gotten so much practice holding Ezra!
Oh, sweet Monica...you will be a great mom! Something magical happens when your child is born & that natural instinct takes over. You will be so overwhelmed with just how much you LOVE her and she will love you, too because you are all she knows. YOU are her Mom, predestined by God to love and care for that beautiful little girl and no one else can provide that for her! Very well said...Kara! It's so nice to have a good friend & new mommy's perspective. My advice....enjoy every second of this last week with just you and John & enjoy every second of Saturday! It will be the best day of your life...I guarantee it!!! Just sit back and enjoy God's precious gift to you & the rollercoaster of emotions that will follow!
ReplyDeleteOne day very soon, you'll look up and your sweet baby will be 3 months old!!!
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